Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 1

In 1947, Anita Summers, the mother of my longtime mentor Larry Summers, was hired as an economist by the Standard Oil Company. When she accepted the job, her new boss said to her, “I am so glad to have you. I figure I am getting the same brains for less money.” Her reaction to this was to feel flattered. It was a huge compliment to be told that she had the same brains as a man. It would have been unthinkable for her to ask for equal compensation.

Answer 1

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 2

But knowing that things could be worse should not stop us from trying to make them better.

Answer 2

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 3

While women continue to outpace men in educational achievement, we have ceased making real progress at the top of any industry.

Answer 3

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 4

I saw that the senior leaders were almost entirely male, but I thought that was due to historical discrimination against women. The proverbial glass ceiling had been cracked in almost every industry, and I believed that it was just a matter of time until my generation took our fair share of the leadership roles. But with each passing year, fewer and fewer of my colleagues were women. More and more often, I was the only woman in the room.

Answer 4

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 5

It is time for us to face the fact that our revolution has stalled.12 The promise of equality is not the same as true equality.

Answer 5

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 6

A truly equal world would be one where women ran half our countries and companies and men ran half our homes.

Answer 6

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 7

Conditions for all women will improve when there are more women in leadership roles giving strong and powerful voice to their needs and concerns.

Answer 7

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 8

A 2011 McKinsey report noted that men are promoted based on potential, while women are promoted based on past accomplishments.

Answer 8

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 9

My argument is that getting rid of these internal barriers is critical to gaining power. Others have argued that women can get to the top only when the institutional barriers are gone. This is the ultimate chicken-and-egg situation.

Answer 9

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 10

I am writing it for any woman who wants to increase her chances of making it to the top of her field or pursue any goal vigorously.

Answer 10

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 11

If we can succeed in adding more female voices at the highest levels, we will expand opportunities and extend fairer treatment to all.

Answer 11

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 12

What Would You Do If You Weren’t Afraid?

Answer 12

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 13

Despite my athletic shortcomings, I was raised to believe that girls could do anything boys could do and that all career paths were open to me.

Answer 13

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 14

In comparison to their male counterparts, highly trained women are scaling back and dropping out of the workforce in high numbers.1 In turn, these diverging percentages teach institutions and mentors to invest more in men, who are statistically more likely to stay.

Answer 14

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 15

During the same years that our careers demanded maximum time investment, our biology demanded that we have children. Our partners did not share the housework and child rearing, so we found ourselves with two full-time jobs.

Answer 15

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 16

But while compliant, raise-your-hand-and-speak-when-called-on behaviors might be rewarded in school, they are less valued in the workplace.

Answer 16

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 17

data clearly indicate that in field after field, more men than women aspire to the most senior jobs.

Answer 17

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 18

Although this is an improvement, even among this demographic, the leadership ambition gap remains. Millennial women are less likely than Millennial men to agree that the statement “I aspire to a leadership role in whatever field I ultimately work” describes them very well.

Answer 18

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 19

Millennial women were also less likely than their male peers to characterize themselves as “leaders,” “visionaries,” “self-confident,” and “willing to take risks.”

Answer 19

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 20

Professional ambition is expected of men but is optional—or worse, sometimes even a negative—for women.

Answer 20

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 21

leadership is largely a culturally created and reinforced trait.

Answer 21

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 22

From the moment we are born, boys and girls are treated differently.19 Parents tend to talk to girl babies more than boy babies.20 Mothers overestimate the crawling ability of their sons and underestimate the crawling ability of their daughters.21 Reflecting the belief that girls need to be helped more than boys, mothers often spend more time comforting and hugging infant girls and more time watching infant boys play by themselves.

Answer 22

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 23

The gender stereotypes introduced in childhood are reinforced throughout our lives and become self-fulfilling prophesies.

Answer 23

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 24

a social-psychological phenomenon called “stereotype threat.” Social scientists have observed that when members of a group are made aware of a negative stereotype, they are more likely to perform according to that stereotype.

Answer 24

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 25

Our country lags considerably behind others in efforts to help parents take care of their children and stay in the workforce. Of all the industrialized nations in the world, the United States is the only one without a paid maternity leave policy.

Answer 25

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 26

sharing financial and child-care responsibilities leads to less guilty moms, more involved dads, and thriving children.

Answer 26

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 27

the holy trinity of fear: the fear of being a bad mother/wife/daughter.

Answer 27

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 28

What would I do if I weren’t afraid? And then go do it.

Answer 28

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 29

I realized that in addition to facing institutional obstacles, women face a battle from within.

Answer 29

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 30

many people, but especially women, feel fraudulent when they are praised for their accomplishments. Instead of feeling worthy of recognition, they feel undeserving and guilty, as if a mistake has been made.

Answer 30

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 31

This phenomenon of capable people being plagued by self-doubt has a name—the impostor syndrome. Both men and women are susceptible to the impostor syndrome, but women tend to experience it more intensely and be more limited by it.

Answer 31

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 32

women often judge their own performance as worse than it actually is, while men judge their own performance as better than it actually is.

Answer 32

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 33

Ask a man to explain his success and he will typically credit his own innate qualities and skills. Ask a woman the same question and she will attribute her success to external factors, insisting she did well because she “worked really hard,” or “got lucky,” or “had help from others.”

Answer 33

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 34

Men and women also differ when it comes to explaining failure. When a man fails, he points to factors like “didn’t study enough” or “not interested in the subject matter.” When a woman fails, she is more likely to believe it is due to an inherent lack of ability.

Answer 34

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 35

situations where a man and a woman each receive negative feedback, the woman’s self-confidence and self-esteem drop to a much greater degree.

Answer 35

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 36

Other days, I was in a lousy mood and had to fake it. Yet after an hour of forced smiling, I often felt cheerful.

Answer 36

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 37

Research backs up this “fake it till you feel it” strategy. One study found that when people assumed a high-power pose (for example, taking up space by spreading their limbs) for just two minutes, their dominance hormone levels (testosterone) went up and their stress hormone levels (cortisol) went down. As a result, they felt more powerful and in charge and showed a greater tolerance for risk. A simple change in posture led to a significant change in attitude.

Answer 37

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 38

men reached for opportunities much more quickly than the women.

Answer 38

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 39

at a certain point it’s your ability to learn quickly and contribute quickly that matters.

Answer 39

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 40

If we want a world with greater equality, we need to acknowledge that women are less likely to keep their hands up. We need institutions and individuals to notice and correct for this behavior by encouraging, promoting, and championing more women. And women have to learn to keep their hands up, because when they lower them, even managers with the best intentions might not notice.

Answer 40

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 41

“bill like a boy.”

Answer 41

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 42

success and likeability are positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women.3 When a man is successful, he is liked by both men and women. When a woman is successful, people of both genders like her less.

Answer 42

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 43

Decades of social science studies have confirmed what the Heidi/Howard case study so blatantly demonstrates: we evaluate people based on stereotypes (gender, race, nationality, and age, among others).

Answer 43

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 44

When a woman excels at her job, both male and female coworkers will remark that she may be accomplishing a lot but is “not as well-liked by her peers.” She is probably also “too aggressive,” “not a team player,” “a bit political,” “can’t be trusted,” or “difficult.”

Answer 44

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 45

Just as in real life, performance is highly dependent upon the reaction people have to one another.

Answer 45

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 46

“We believe not only that women are nurturing, but that they should be nurturing above all else. When a woman does anything that signals she might not be nice first and foremost, it creates a negative impression and makes us uncomfortable.”

Answer 46

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 47

If a woman is competent, she does not seem nice enough. If a woman seems really nice, she is considered more nice than competent. Since people want to hire and promote those who are both competent and nice, this creates a huge stumbling block for women.

Answer 47

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 48

Men can comfortably claim credit for what they do as long as they don’t veer into arrogance. For women, taking credit comes at a real social and professional cost. In fact, a woman who explains why she is qualified or mentions previous successes in a job interview can lower her chances of getting hired.

Answer 48

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 49

A study that looked at the starting salaries of students graduating with a master’s degree from Carnegie Mellon University found that 57 percent of the male students, but only 7 percent of the female students, tried to negotiate for a higher offer.14 But instead of blaming women for not negotiating more, we need to recognize that women often have good cause to be reluctant to advocate for their own interests because doing so can easily backfire.

Answer 49

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 50

The goal of a successful negotiation is to achieve our objectives and continue to have people like us. Professor Hannah Riley Bowles, who studies gender and negotiations at Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government, believes that women can increase their chances of achieving a desired outcome by doing two things in combination.19 First, women must come across as being nice, concerned about others, and “appropriately” female. When women take a more instrumental approach (“This is what I want and deserve”), people react far more negatively.

Answer 50

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 51

And as silly as it sounds, pronouns matter. Whenever possible, women should substitute “we” for “I.” A woman’s request will be better received if she asserts, “We had a great year,” as opposed to “I had a great year.”

Answer 51

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 52

the second thing women must do is provide a legitimate explanation for the negotiation.21 Men don’t have to legitimize their negotiations; they are expected to look out for themselves. Women, however, have to justify their requests.

Answer 52

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 53

Telling a current employer about an offer from another company is a common tactic but works for men more easily than for women. Men are allowed to be focused on their own achievements, while loyalty is expected from women. Also, just being nice is not a winning strategy. Nice sends a message that the woman is willing to sacrifice pay to be liked by others. This is why a woman needs to combine niceness with insistence, a style that Mary Sue Coleman, president of the University of Michigan, calls “relentlessly pleasant.”22 This method requires smiling frequently, expressing appreciation and concern, invoking common interests, emphasizing larger goals, and approaching the negotiation as solving a problem as opposed to taking a critical stance.23 Most negotiations involve drawn-out, successive moves, so women need to stay focused … and smile.

Answer 53

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 54

Teams that work together well outperform those that don’t. And success feels better when it’s shared with others.

Answer 54

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 55

She does not believe it is realistic or even desirable to tell women not to care when we are attacked. Her advice is that we should let ourselves react emotionally and feel whatever anger or sadness being criticized evokes for us. And then we should quickly move on. She points to children as her role model. A child can cry one moment and run off to play the next.

Answer 55

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 56

Everyone needs to get more comfortable with female leaders—including female leaders themselves.

Answer 56

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 57

The nagging voice in the back of my head reminds me, as it did in business school, “Don’t flaunt your success, or even let people know about your success. If you do, people won’t like you.”

Answer 57

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 58

“I want to apply to work with you at Facebook,” she said. “So I thought about calling you and telling you all of the things I’m good at and all of the things I like to do. Then I figured that everyone was doing that. So instead, I want to ask you: What is your biggest problem, and how can I solve it?”

Answer 58

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 59

As of 2010, the average American had eleven jobs from the ages of eighteen to forty-six alone.1 This means that the days of joining an organization or corporation and staying there to climb that one ladder are long gone.

Answer 59

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 60

A long-term dream does not have to be realistic or even specific. It may reflect the desire to work in a particular field or to travel throughout the world.

Answer 60

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 61

only one criterion mattered when picking a job—fast growth. When companies grow quickly, there are more things to do than there are people to do them.

Answer 61

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 62

“If you’re offered a seat on a rocket ship, you don’t ask what seat. You just get on.”

Answer 62

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 63

encouraging them to reduce their career spreadsheets to one column: potential for growth.

Answer 63

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 64

Just as I believe everyone should have a long-term dream, I also believe everyone should have an eighteen-month plan.

Answer 64

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 65

As I did when I joined Google, I prioritized potential for fast growth and the mission of the company above title.

Answer 65

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 66

An internal report at Hewlett-Packard revealed that women only apply for open jobs if they think they meet 100 percent of the criteria listed. Men apply if they think they meet 60 percent of the requirements.

Answer 66

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 67

“Tiara Syndrome,” where women “expect that if they keep doing their job well someone will notice them and place a tiara on their head.”

Answer 67

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 68

Hard work and results should be recognized by others, but when they aren’t, advocating for oneself becomes necessary.

Answer 68

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 69

Alice Walker, who observed, “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”

Answer 69

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 70

“Are you my mentor?” If someone has to ask the question, the answer is probably no. When someone finds the right mentor, it is obvious.

Answer 70

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 71

I’m not sure what possessed me, but I turned to look at the audience, paused, and answered with brutal honesty. “If current trends continue, fifteen years from today, about one-third of the women in this audience will be working full-time and almost all of you will be working for the guy you are sitting next to.”

Answer 71

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 72

The men were focusing on how to manage a business and the women were focusing on how to manage a career. The men wanted answers and the women wanted permission and help.

Answer 72

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 73

Studies show that mentors select protégés based on performance and potential.5 Intuitively, people invest in those who stand out for their talent or who can really benefit from help. Mentors continue to invest when mentees use their time well and are truly open to feedback. It may turn into a friendship, but the foundation is a professional relationship.

Answer 73

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 74

We need to stop telling them, “Get a mentor and you will excel.” Instead, we need to tell them, “Excel and you will get a mentor.”

Answer 74

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 75

Capturing someone’s attention or imagination in a minute can be done, but only when planned and tailored to that individual.

Answer 75

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 76

figure out what I wanted to do before I went to see the people who had the ability to hire me. That way I would not waste my one shot seeking general guidance, but would be able to discuss specific opportunities that they could offer.

Answer 76

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 77

Few mentors have time for excessive hand-holding. Most are dealing with their own high-stress jobs. A mentee who is positive and prepared can be a bright spot in a day. For this same reason, mentees should avoid complaining excessively to a mentor.

Answer 77

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 78

It’s wonderful when senior men mentor women. It’s even better when they champion and sponsor them.

Answer 78

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 79

Authentic communication is not always easy, but it is the basis for successful relationships at home and real effectiveness at work. Yet people constantly back away from honesty to protect themselves and others.

Answer 79

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 80

Communication works best when we combine appropriateness with authenticity, finding that sweet spot where opinions are not brutally honest but delicately honest.

Answer 80

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 81

management training program taught by Fred Kofman, a former MIT professor and author of Conscious Business.

Answer 81

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 82

effective communication starts with the understanding that there is my point of view (my truth) and someone else’s point of view (his truth). Rarely is there one absolute truth, so people who believe that they speak the truth are very silencing of others.

Answer 82

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 83

Truth is also better served by using simple language.

Answer 83

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 84

When communicating hard truths, less is often more.

Answer 84

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 85

From the time my siblings and I were very young, whenever we had arguments, our mother taught us—or more like forced us—to mirror each other, which means restating the other person’s point before responding to it.

Answer 85

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 86

Fred would caution my son to take out the “but” and everything after, since it tends to deny the preceding statement.

Answer 86

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 87

feedback, like truth, is not absolute. Feedback is an opinion, grounded in observations and experiences,

Answer 87

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 88

the upside of painful knowledge is so much greater than the downside of blissful ignorance.

Answer 88

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 89

When people are open and honest, thanking them publicly encourages them to continue while sending a powerful signal to others.

Answer 89

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 90

Most women believe—and research suggests—that it is not a good idea to cry at work.3 It is never something that I plan to do and is hardly recommended in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, but on those rare occasions when I have felt really frustrated, or worse, betrayed, tears have filled my eyes.

Answer 90

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 91

Sharing emotions builds deeper relationships. Motivation comes from working on things we care about. It also comes from working with people we care about.

Answer 91

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 92

I am now a true believer in bringing our whole selves to work. I no longer think people have a professional self for Mondays through Fridays and a real self for the rest of the time.

Answer 92

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 93

I know many women who won’t discuss their children at work out of fear that their priorities will be questioned. I hope this won’t always be the case.

Answer 93

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 94

research suggests that presenting leadership as a list of carefully defined qualities (like strategic, analytical, and performance-oriented) no longer holds. Instead, true leadership stems from individuality that is honestly and sometimes imperfectly expressed.4 They believe leaders should strive for authenticity over perfection.

Answer 94

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 95

Often without even realizing it, the woman stops reaching for new opportunities. If any are presented to her, she is likely to decline or offer the kind of hesitant “yes” that gets the project assigned to someone else.

Answer 95

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 96

The more satisfied a person is with her position, the less likely she is to leave.3 So the irony—and, to me, the tragedy—is that women wind up leaving the workforce precisely because of things they did to stay in the workforce.

Answer 96

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 97

However, when five years later I was in a job I really loved, I found myself wanting to return to work after a few weeks of maternity leave. I realized those executives weren’t scary at all. Like me, they loved their kids a lot. And, like me, they also loved their jobs.”

Answer 97

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 98

What I am arguing is that the time to scale back is when a break is needed or when a child arrives—not before, and certainly not years in advance. The months and years leading up to having children are not the time to lean back, but the critical time to lean in.

Answer 98

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 99

The birth of a child instantly changes how we define ourselves. Women become mothers. Men become fathers. Couples become parents. Our priorities shift in fundamental ways.

Answer 99

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 100

When a couple announces that they are having a baby, everyone says “Congratulations!” to the man and “Congratulations! What are you planning on doing about work?” to the woman.

Answer 100

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 101

Even in 2006, 46 percent of the men who anticipated this conflict expected their spouse to step off her career track to raise their children. Only 5 percent of the women believed their spouse would alter his career to accommodate their child.

Answer 101

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 102

If a female marathoner can ignore the shouts of the crowd and get past the tough middle of the race, she will often hit her stride.

Answer 102

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 103

Only 74 percent of professional women will rejoin the workforce in any capacity, and only 40 percent will return to full-time jobs.14 Those who do rejoin will often see their earnings decrease dramatically.

Answer 103

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 104

One miscalculation that some women make is to drop out early in their careers because their salary barely covers the cost of child care. Child care is a huge expense, and it’s frustrating to work hard just to break even. But professional women need to measure the cost of child care against their future salary rather than their current salary.

Answer 104

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 105

when a husband and wife both are employed full-time, the mother does 40 percent more child care and about 30 percent more housework than the father.1 A 2009 survey found that only 9 percent of people in dual-earner marriages said that they shared housework, child care, and breadwinning evenly.

Answer 105

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 106

The U.S. Census Bureau considers mothers the “designated parent,” even when both parents are present in the home.5 When mothers care for their children, it’s “parenting,” but when fathers care for their children, the government deems it a “child care arrangement.”6 I have even heard a few men say that they are heading home to “babysit” for their children.

Answer 106

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 107

As Gloria Steinem once observed, “It’s not about biology, but about consciousness.”

Answer 107

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 108

As women must be more empowered at work, men must be more empowered at home. I have seen so many women inadvertently discourage their husbands from doing their share by being too controlling or critical. Social scientists call this “maternal gatekeeping,” which is a fancy term for “Ohmigod, that’s not the way you do it! Just move aside and let me!”

Answer 108

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 109

Over time, if he does things his way, he’ll find the correct end. But if he’s forced to do things her way, pretty soon she’ll be doing them herself.

Answer 109

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 110

Another common and counterproductive dynamic occurs when women assign or suggest tasks to their partners. She is delegating, and that’s a step in the right direction. But sharing responsibility should mean sharing responsibility. Each partner needs to be in charge of specific activities or it becomes too easy for one to feel like he’s doing a favor instead of doing his part.

Answer 110

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 111

David was insistent that rather than handing the baby to me when she was crying, we allow him to comfort her even if it took longer. It was harder in the short run, but it absolutely paid off when our daughter learned that Daddy could take care of her as well as Mommy.”

Answer 111

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 112

I don’t know of one woman in a leadership position whose life partner is not fully—and I mean fully—supportive of her career. No exceptions.

Answer 112

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 113

Of the twenty-eight women who have served as CEOs of Fortune 500 companies, twenty-six were married, one was divorced, and only one had never married.

Answer 113

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 114

We sit down at the beginning of every week and figure out which one of us will drive our children to school each day. We both try to be home for dinner as many nights as we can. (At dinner, we go around the table and share the best and worst event from our day;

Answer 114

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 115

Many of my friends have told me that teenage children require more time from their parents.

Answer 115

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 116

in comparison to children with less-involved fathers, children with involved and loving fathers have higher levels of psychological well-being and better cognitive abilities.

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 117

fathers make up less than 4 percent of parents who work full-time inside the home, and many report that it can be very isolating.

Answer 117

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 118

Research supports Jen’s observation that equality between partners leads to happier relationships. When husbands do more housework, wives are less depressed, marital conflicts decrease, and satisfaction rises.27 When women work outside the home and share breadwinning duties, couples are more likely to stay together. In fact, the risk of divorce reduces by about half when a wife earns half the income and a husband does half the housework.

Answer 118

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 119

A more equal division of labor between parents will model better behavior for the next generation.

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 120

As more women lean in to their careers, more men need to lean in to their families.

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 121

HAVING IT ALL.” Perhaps the greatest trap ever set for women was the coining of this phrase.

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 122

The very concept of having it all flies in the face of the basic laws of economics and common sense. As Sharon Poczter, professor of economics at Cornell, explains, “The antiquated rhetoric of ‘having it all’ disregards the basis of every economic relationship: the idea of trade-offs.

Answer 122

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 123

Trying to do it all and expecting that it all can be done exactly right is a recipe for disappointment. Perfection is the enemy. Gloria Steinem said it best: “You can’t do it all. No one can have two full-time jobs, have perfect children and cook three meals and be multi-orgasmic ’til dawn … Superwoman is the adversary of the women’s movement.”

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 124

I even made this decision public—a trick that can help a commitment stick by creating greater accountability.

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 125

“I took three months off and handled my return to work in my own way, on my own terms. And despite what I had previously feared, my reputation and productivity weren’t hurt a bit.” I deeply understand the fear of appearing to be putting our families above our careers. Mothers don’t want to be perceived as less dedicated to their jobs than men or women without family responsibilities.

Answer 125

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 126

Employees who make use of flexible work policies are often penalized and seen as less committed than their peers.10 And those penalties can be greater for mothers in professional jobs.11 This all needs to change, especially since new evidence suggests working from home might actually be more productive in certain cases.

Answer 126

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 127

Still, the traditional practice of judging employees by face time rather than results unfortunately persists.

Answer 127

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 128

Sleeping four or five hours a night induces mental impairment equivalent to a blood alcohol level above the legal driving limit.20 Sleep deprivation makes people anxious, irritable, and confused.

Answer 128

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 129

an employed mother today spends about the same amount of time on primary child care activities as a nonemployed mother did in 1975.

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 130

Sociologists call this relatively new phenomenon “intensive mothering,”

Answer 130

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 131

Study after study suggests that the pressure society places on women to stay home and do “what’s best for the child” is based on emotion, not evidence.

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 132

“children who were cared for exclusively by their mothers did not develop differently than those who were also cared for by others.”

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 133

Parental behavioral factors—including fathers who are responsive and positive, mothers who favor “self-directed child behavior,” and parents with emotional intimacy in their marriages—influence a child’s development two to three times more than any form of child care.

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 134

“Exclusive maternal care was not related to better or worse outcomes for children. There is, thus, no reason for mothers to feel as though they are harming their children if they decide to work.”

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 135

Some data even suggest that having two parents working outside the home can be advantageous to a child’s development, particularly for girls.

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 136

Guilt management can be just as important as time management for mothers.

Answer 136

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 137

prepare for the day that my son would cry for his nanny. Sure enough, when he was about eleven months old, he was crawling on the floor of his room and put his knee down on a toy. He looked up for help, crying, and reached for her instead of me. It pierced my heart, but Dave thought it was a good sign. He reasoned that we were the central figures in our son’s life, but forming an attachment to a caregiver was good for his development. I understood his logic, especially in retrospect, but at the time, it hurt like hell.

Answer 137

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 138

Marie Wilson, founder of the White House Project, has noted, “Show me a woman without guilt and I’ll show you a man.”

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 139

Stanford professor Jennifer Aaker’s work shows that setting obtainable goals is key to happiness.31 Instead of perfection, we should aim for sustainable and fulfilling.

Answer 139

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 140

If I had to embrace a definition of success, it would be that success is making the best choices we can … and accepting them.

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 141

A Google search for “Facebook’s male CEO” returns this message: “No results found.”

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 142

Gloria Steinem observed, “Whoever has power takes over the noun—and the norm—while the less powerful get an adjective.”

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 143

sad irony of rejecting feminism to get male attention and approval.

Answer 143

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 144

Staying quiet and fitting in may have been all the first generations of women who entered corporate America could do; in some cases, it might still be the safest path. But this strategy is not paying off for women as a group. Instead, we need to speak out, identify the barriers that are holding women back, and find solutions.

Answer 144

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 145

The federal and state laws that are designed to protect employees against discrimination specify only that an employer cannot make decisions based on certain protected characteristics such as gender, pregnancy, and age.

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 146

gender bias influences how we view performance and typically raises our assessment of men while lowering our assessment of women.

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 147

The infuriating takeaway from this study is that “merit” can be manipulated to justify discrimination.

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 148

The researchers speculated that men in traditional marriages are not overtly hostile toward women but instead are “benevolent sexists”—holding positive yet outdated views about women.10 (Another term I have heard is “nice guy misogynists.”)

Answer 148

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 149

when men and women select a colleague to collaborate with, both were significantly more likely to choose someone of the same gender.12 Yet diverse groups often perform better.

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 150

“While she’s really good at her job, she’s just not as well liked by her peers.” When I hear language like that, I bring up the Heidi/Howard study and how success and likeability are negatively correlated for women.

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 151

We worry that even mentioning other priorities makes us less valuable employees.

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 152

The discussions may be difficult, but the positives are many. We cannot change what we are unaware of, and once we are aware, we cannot help but change.

Answer 152

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 153

overall student satisfaction went up, not just for the female and international students, but for American males as well. By creating a more equal environment, everyone was happier.

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 154

A feminist is someone who believes in social, political, and economic equality of the sexes”—the

Answer 154

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 155

It is time to cheer on girls and women who want to sit at the table, seek challenges, and lean in to their careers.

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 156

Stanford professor Deborah Gruenfeld makes the case: “We need to look out for one another, work together, and act more like a coalition. As individuals, we have relatively low levels of power. Working together, we are fifty percent of the population and therefore have real power.”

Answer 156

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 157

Betty Friedan famously and foolishly refused to work with—or even to shake hands with—Gloria Steinem.

Answer 157

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 158

In the 1970s, this phenomenon was common enough that the term “queen bee” was used to describe a woman who flourished in a leadership role, especially in male-dominated industries, and who used her position to keep other female “worker bees” down.

Answer 158

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 159

Madeleine Albright once said, “There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 160

Often without realizing it, women internalize disparaging cultural attitudes and then echo them back. As a result, women are not just victims of sexism, they can also be perpetrators.

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 161

The more women help one another, the more we help ourselves. Acting like a coalition truly does produce results.

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Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 162

I now recognize that had this senior woman been a man and acted the same way, I still would have been frustrated, but I wouldn’t have taken it so personally. It’s time to drop the double standard. Gender should neither magnify nor excuse rude and dismissive treatment. We should expect professional behavior, and even kindness, from everyone.

Answer 162

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 163

In a letter to The Atlantic in June 2012, Barnard president Debora Spar wrote about this messy and complicated emotion, exploring why she and so many successful women feel so guilty. She decided that it’s because women “have been subtly striving all our lives to prove that we have picked up the torch that feminism provided. That we haven’t failed the mothers and grandmothers who made our ambitions possible. And yet, in a deep and profound way, we are failing. Because feminism wasn’t supposed to make us feel guilty, or prod us into constant competitions over who is raising children better, organizing more cooperative marriages, or getting less sleep. It was supposed to make us free—to give us not only choices but the ability to make these choices without constantly feeling that we’d somehow gotten it wrong.”

Answer 163

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 164

I feel grateful. These parents—mostly mothers—constitute a large amount of the talent that helps sustain our schools, nonprofits, and communities.

Answer 164

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 165

let’s start by validating one another. Mothers who work outside the home should regard mothers who work inside the home as real workers. And mothers who work inside the home should be equally respectful of those choosing another option.

Answer 165

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 166

The gender wars need an immediate and lasting peace. True equality will be achieved only when we all fight the stereotypes that hold us back.

Answer 166

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 167

More female leadership will lead to fairer treatment for all women.

Answer 167

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 168

Research already suggests that companies with more women in leadership roles have better work-life policies, smaller gender gaps in executive compensation, and more women in midlevel management.

Answer 168

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 169

When Gloria Steinem marched in the streets to fight for the opportunities that so many of us now take for granted, she quoted Susan B. Anthony, who marched in the streets before her and concluded, “Our job is not to make young women grateful. It is to make them ungrateful so they keep going.”

Answer 169

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg

Question 170

We owe it to the generations that came before us and the generations that will come after to keep fighting. I believe women can lead more in the workplace. I believe men can contribute more in the home. And I believe that this will create a better world, one where half our institutions are run by women and half our homes are run by men.

Answer 170

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg