Social anxiety
characterized by intense feelings of discomfort in situations that invite public scrutiny
Relationship between affiliation and stress
need for affiliation, defined as a desire to establish social contact with others ( McAdams, 1989)
One condition that strongly arouses our need for affiliation is stress.
shyness
People who are shy find it difficult to approach strangers, make small talk, telephone someone for a date, participate in small groups, or mingle at parties.
shy people evaluate themselves negatively, expect to fail in their social encounters, and blame themselves when they do.
loneliness
A feeling of deprivation about existing social relations.
loneliness is triggered by a discrepancy between the level of social contact a person has and the level he or she wants ( Peplau & Perlman, 1982)
Factors that are predictive of loneliness (4)
- unpartnered
- more predictive is widowing or divorce
- transition/disruption
- age - adolescents and 18 - 30 (decline with age)
coping strategies for loneliness (2)
- trying to build more social connections
- distraction via other activities
familiarity in attraction
more likely to be attracted to people you are familiar with
objective perspective of physical attractiveness
Common Features “Average” Symmetrical Babies’ Preferences Unaffected by culture Spend more time looking at attractive faces
subjective perspectives of physical attractiveness
- cultural impacts on beauty
what-is-beautiful-is-good stereotype
Associate physical attractiveness with other
desirable qualities
why does the what-is-beautiful-is-good stereotype endure?
self-fulfilling prophecy
benefits of being perceived as beautiful
More popular, more sexually experienced, more socially skilled, more likely to attract a mate
costs of being perceived as beautiful
– Distrust of evaluations
– Pressure to maintain appearance
matching hypothesis
he proposition that people are attracted to others who are similar in physical attractiveness.
complementarity hypothesis
people seek others whose needs “oppose” their own—that people who need to dominate, for example, are naturally drawn to those who are submissive ( Winch et al., 1954).
The role of reciprocity in liking
Mutual exchange of give & take
We tend to like people who like us
social exchange theory & the three components
Motivated to maximize profit & minimize loss in
relationships
A. Rewards & Costs B. Comparison Levels 1. Expectations 2. Alternatives C. Investments
comparison level (expectations and alternatives)
Expectations
– High CL
– Low CL
– Expectations met = Relationship rewarding
Alternatives (CLalt)
– Expectations of alternative relationships
– High CLalt
– Low CLalt
– Few alternatives = Relationship rewarding
equity theory
Balance of benefits & contributions for both
partners
Inequity = Imbalance
– Overbenefited
– Underbenefited
attachment styles in developing intimate relationships
Secure • Happy, friendly, based on mutual trust Insecure – Anxious • Emotional highs & lows, obsessive preoccupation, extreme jealousy – Avoidant • Fears intimacy, doesn’t believe in romantic love
Lee’s love styles
eros (erotic love), ludus (game-playing, uncommitted love), and storge (friendship love).
can be combined like primary colours to create different kinds of love
Sternberg’s triangular theory of love
intimacy - passion - commitment
Hatfields passionate and companionate love
Passionate Love
– Emotionally intense, erotic
• Companionate Love
– Secure, trusting, stable
self-disclosure
– We disclose to people we like
– We like people who disclose to us
– We like people to whom we have disclosed
Collins & Miller (1994)
Communication patterns - conflict
Negative communication patterns
- Negative Affect Reciprocity
- Demand/withdraw Interaction Pattern
attribution patterns - conflict
Happy couples make relationship-enhancing attributions, while unhappy couples make distress-maintaining attributions.
Lauer & Lauer (1986) found the following characteristics to be top
scorers among people who had been married happily for 25+ years on
average: (6)
- My spouse is my best friend
- I like my spouse as a person
- Marriage is a long-term commitment
- Marriage is sacred
- We agree on aims and goals
- My spouse has grown more interesting
Two components of familiarity
Proximity and Exposure
Biggest predictor of familiarity
proximity
Mere Exposure Effect (Zajonc)
increased exposure/contact -> leads to liking
What predicts who you will be initially attracted to?
- familiarity
- physical attractiveness
- first encounters
- evolutionary drives (waist to hip ratio - healthy)
Cultural impacts on beauty
Enhance beauty in different ways Availability of food • Limited: Heavier women seen as more attractive Time • Playboy‐ 1953 vs. now
What determines whether a first encounter
will develop into a relationship?
- Similarity
- Liking
- Being hard to get
We tend to like others that are similar to us in terms of (4)
- Demographic
- Attitude
- Physical
• “Matching hypothesis” - Subjective Experience
Evolutionary drives behind who women find attractive
Few children; high parental investment
– Highly selective
– Seeks successful (wealthy) men
Evolutionary drive behind who men find attractive
– Many children; minimal parental investment
– Increase number of offspring
– Seek fertile women
Three basic components of intimate relationships
- Feelings of attachment, affection, & love
- Fulfillment of psychological needs
- Interdependence between partners
The role of rewards and costs in relationships
Satisfaction determined by more rewards & fewer costs
Rewards: Love – Companionship – Emotional support – Sexual gratification
Costs:
– Conflict
– Compromise
– Sacrifice
The role of investment in relationships (SET)
Something put into the relationship that cannot be recovered – Time – Other opportunities • Investments increase commitment
Exchange relationships
– Tit‐for‐tat
– Concern with zero balance
– Who?
• Strangers, casual acquaintances, business partnerships
Communal relationships
– Respond to needs over time
– No concern for who last gave/received benefit
– Who?
• Close friends, romantic partners, family members
Psychological Reactance
Reasserting yourself -> people want to get what they cannot get
Excitation transfer
arousal caused by one stimulus is added to arousal from a second stimulus and the combined arousal is attributed to the second stimulus.
Passionate love
= Prolonged & mutual eye
gazing
Companionate love
- Close friends & lovers
- Foundation of mutual trust, caring, respect, etc
- High levels of self‐disclosure
Reducing conflict in marital relationships
- Increase rewarding aspects of relationship
Ratio of positive to negative (5:1)
Contain conflict to the issue - Try to understand partner’s point of view
Change attributions you make for partner’s
behaviors
Relationship‐enhancing attributions
Distress‐maintaining attributions
Stanley Schachter (1959) Stress and Affiliation
Schachter found that people who were expecting to receive painful electric shocks chose to wait with other nervous participants rather than alone
Yacov Rofe stress and affiliation and utility (1984)
Rofé argued that stress sparks the desire to affiliate only when being with others is seen as useful in reducing the negative impact of the stressful situation.
Benefit of affiliation during stressful times?
Research suggests that people facing an imminent threat seek each other out in order to gain cognitive clarity about the danger they are in. (Mahler & Kulik)
Zajonc’s mere exposure effect
The phenomenon whereby the more often people are exposed to a stimulus, the more positively they evaluate that stimulus.
Snyder et al (1977)
Men who thought they were interacting with a woman who was attractive
- formed more positive impressions of her personality and
- were friendlier in their conversational behavior. And now for the clincher:
- the female students whose partners had seen the attractive picture were later rated by listeners to the conversation as warmer, more confident, and more animated.
Negative Affect Reciprocity
tit-for-tat exchange of expressions of negative feelings
Demand/withdraw interaction pattern
many unhappy marriages are also characterized by a demand/withdraw interaction pattern, in which the wife demands that the couple discuss the relationship problems, only to become frustrated when her husband withdraws from such discussions ( Christensen & Heavey, 1993).