The questions that you get asked in an interview reveal a great deal about your _____ and the ______ they have experienced with past staff members.
pastor, problems
The most important questions–from either side– of the pastor’s desk are those that clarify ________.
expectations
The relationship between associates and senior pastors has a lot of parallels to the ______ _______.
marriage relationship
It is important to identify our ________ before the first interview.
expectations
It’s time to leave (your church position) when you can no longer be your pastor’s ________!
cheerleader
________, ________, _________ is required to avoid issues with differing expectations.
communication, communication, communication
The guy out front is the one who gets shot down ____. It may seem that the pastor gets all the respect, but he/she also catches most of the ____.
first, flak
Like a marriage, a church staff relationship must be based on ____.
trust
Trust and _____ ______– the glue that holds a staff together.
mutual respect
How to betray a pastor’s respect in 7 easy steps:
- Discuss agreements between you and your pastor with members of the congregation.
- Challenge his/her leadership publically.
- Spread abroad the news about who came for pastoral counseling, what was said in a staff meeting, and other areas of confidentiality.
- When you are considering leaving, let the pastor hear it from friends, other staff members, or congregation members before he hears it from you.
- When you have a confrontation with someone in the church, don’t tell the pastor about it. Let him find out through the grapevine or, better still, in a board meeting.
- Don’t follow through on assignments or projects you are asked to do.
- Take your youth choir to Las Vegas!
It’s vital for pastors and associates to pray together and not just over ____ and ______ but over ______ and family needs as well.
plans, programs, personal
No matter how good our relationship is with someone, it is hard to accept ______. Somehow even so-called ________ criticism doesn’t feel very constructive. Regardless of how it feels, it is what we do with _______ that counts.
criticism, constructive, criticism
Admittedly there are pastors who feel threatened by _______ associates.
successful
How to make sure your pastor doesn’t feel threatened by success:
- Express your support
- Compliment him
- Show him you’re on the team
Glean from criticism, _______ or otherwise what there is to glean and try to let the rest ___. Easier said than done.
constructive, go
There are only a few options available to us when we are having relationship problems. Here are three:
- Confront
- Stay out
- Leave
Whatever option you choose, do it ______ and ______. God will give you the grace–and that’s a promise.
carefully, prayerfully
One of the biggest shocks in ministry has been the discovery that people are very ______. Self-esteem is something most people work a lifetime to attain, and many never get a good grip on it. Even ________, overachievers can actually have a very thin veneer that is often brittle and easily shattered.
fragile, over-confident
If you find yourself in this [tough] situation, you must make every effort possible to communicate the true intention of your ______.
motives
I find that good, competent, talented singers in volunteer choirs and Christian schools have a much lower assessment of their musical abilities than I. There are exceptions! But most of the time, I feel that they need me to_______ them and to let them know that I ______ in them.
challenge, believe
But for most people, nothing is more emotionally transparent than the _____…singing publically makes us exposed and vulnerable.
voice
Cultivating excellence in music is a _____ goal, but it must not take _______ over the people who make the music.
worthy, precedence
“People need people who _____ in them, trust them, and ______ much of them.”
believe, expect
The challenge when dealing with people-related problems is to correct the problems without _______ or _______ the person. Remember, we never have the right to ______ embarrass someone in order to curb their undesirable behavior.
alienating, offending, publicly
Staying Out of the Middle:
- Recognize psychological games
- Pray for wisdom
- Know where your loyalties lie.
- Encourage face-to-face discussion
Use the sandwich method for confrontation:
First, say something you sincerely like or appreciate about the person. Then address the problem. Close with another positive statement letting the other person know you value him/her.
When you have to confront:
- Realizing that timing is important.
- Understand that privacy is necessary.
- Think through the problem.
- Begin with a positive statement.
- Listen to the other person.
- Be specific.
- Don’t respond in kind.
Dealing with the pastor’s wife or family is a ______ and _____ situation.
delicate, touchy
A sense of humor helps too. Laughter has been described as the _______ of life.
lubricant
“Humor can be used to patch up ______, apologize, say ‘no,’ _______, gain cooperation, dissolve a _______ confrontation, and keep a small misunderstanding from escalating into a big deal.” (William Ellis)
differences, criticize, hostile
Some ways to put more laughter in your life:
- Smile, laugh, be cheerful. Poke fun at yourself. Don’t confuse your sense of responsibility or dignity with taking yourself too seriously.
- Spend time with family and friends, especially ministry colleagues, who laugh.
- Collect things that make you laugh.
- Be on the lookout for inside jokes in your family, on staff, and in your musical groups. Shared humor creates a sense of belonging.
- Try to look at even your most difficult problems with the eye of an observer seeking out the smallest element that could be seen as amusing, silly, downright hilarious.
- Remember that humor isn’t always appropriate, and avoid laughter that hurts another person.
Matthew 10:16
“Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.”
Be shrewed, or “wise.” Recognize the_____ people play.
games
“You can’t expect to be a ______ employee if you don’t make yourself ______.” -Donald Trump
valuable, valuable
“Graduating from college is a _______, not an ending.”
-Donald Trump
beginning
“A know-it-all is like a _____ door. Don’t be a know-it-all.”
closed
“The more I ______, the more I realized I don’t know.”
learned
Where to find new music:
- Praisecharts.com
- Gospel Maps
- IBC Live
- UPCI music
- Ntimemusic.com
Colossians 3:23
“And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as unto the Lord, and not unto men;”